FOR PLAGUETIDE
The scenarist—who has never been to Zürich, is neither a poet nor an architect, likes his bagels with butter instead of cream cheese, detests the Classics, and has recently dispensed with irony in toto—has no relevance to the performance or interpretation of this or any work. Treat him with the reverence and contempt you reserve for your father.
Let this scenario serve as a substitute for the Mass. This means that, like the Mass, under no circumstances is it to be performed.
IMPRESSION 1
A GLASS CHICKEN, thirteen meters tall, center stage. The glass is dark, cloudy, red. To its right stands a BELLMAN. If the audience has any luggage, he takes it and places it behind the GLASS CHICKEN. He does this even though he does not have to. This is not a part of the scenario. Once he has tended to the luggage, the scenario begins.
BELLMAN
What is the sense of a word?
The GLASS CHICKEN does not move. It cannot move. It is a GLASS CHICKEN.
BELLMAN
How does thought arise?
GLASS CHICKEN
It arises from socially meaningful activity.
BELLMAN
What is the inner sense of thought?
GLASS CHICKEN
There is no inner sense of thought.
BELLMAN
Let me ask again: what is the inner sense of thought?
GLASS CHICKEN
There is no inner sense of thought.
BELLMAN
On what grounds do you say that there is no inner sense of thought?
GLASS CHICKEN
I graduated from Moscow University in 1917. It is on these grounds that I say there is no inner sense of thought.
BELLMAN
Where do ideas come from?
THE GLASS CHICKEN does not move.
BELLMAN
Do they fall out of the sky?
GLASS CHICKEN
They do not fall out of the sky.
BELLMAN
Are they bought and sold at the market?
GLASS CHICKEN
They are neither bought nor sold at the market.
BELLMAN
Then where do they come from?
GLASS CHICKEN
They are written in little red books.
BELLMAN
Must the books be little?
GLASS CHICKEN
The books must be little.
BELLMAN
Must the books be red?
GLASS CHICKEN
The books must be red.
BELLMAN
I have one more question.
The GLASS CHICKEN does not move.
BELLMAN
Where do values come from?
The GLASS CHICKEN does not move.
BELLMAN
Do they come from socially meaningful activity?
The GLASS CHICKEN does not move.
BELLMAN
Do they come from little red books?
The GLASS CHICKEN does not move.
The BELLMAN raises a hammer. He strikes the GLASS CHICKEN. It shatters. He picks through the shards. He lifts a ROTISSERIE CHICKEN from the ground and presents it to the audience.
IMPRESSION 2
The stage is covered in thousands of sea urchins and starfish. A T-34 tank rolls across them until they are pulverized. The orchestra plays The Internationale.
IMPRESSION 3
A supine YOUTH dressed in white on a bed of pulverized echinoderms. In her hands, a RED ROSE. She has neither WORDS nor THOUGHTS. Enter WORD and THOUGHT.
WORD
…
THOUGHT
…
WORD
For-others.
THOUGHT
Consequently, for-myself.
WORD
Consequently, in the past, we would have married.
THOUGHT
What does it mean to have married?
WORD
I do not know.
THOUGHT
There are many things you do not know.
Exit WORD and THOUGHT.
IMPRESSION 4
A middle-aged WOMAN on a bench. She loosely holds a leash. On the end of the leash, a sleeping PANTHER. It rests its head on an EGGPLANT.
WOMAN
(on the phone, chuckling)
It’s fascinating.
A GIRL pulls up a chair and sits in front of her. The WOMAN makes no notice.
WOMAN
(still chuckling)
Okay. I’ll call you.
ANOTHER GIRL sits on the bench next to her. Again, no notice.
WOMAN
(more of the same)
I know. I know. You just have to laugh about it.
(a long pause)
I’ll talk to you a little later. I love you. Bye.
The WOMAN hangs up the phone. She begins to stroke the PANTHER’s ears, looking on it with affection.
WOMAN
He was real nice and funny. Funny. One blew north and one blew south.
The PANTHER stirs and bites into the EGGPLANT.
IMPRESSION 5
An empty stage. The whole stage and backdrop is a hideous yellow.
Enter a BUFFO carrying a bucket of BLACK PAINT and a PAINTBRUSH. She begins to paint the stage.
BUFFO
(while painting)
Ehud killed the king—the Moabite king—and the shit came out. So much shit came out of his fat belly when the blade went in because he did evil in the eyes of the Lord. And Ehud, as an instrument of the Lord of righteous evil, did his bidding without question. And that day he laid waste to ten thousand Moabites so Israel could have her peace. And she did because the Lord saw she was good.
The BUFFO continues until her work is done.
IMPRESSION 6
The BELLMAN and the YOUTH are seated across from each other at a table. They are sharing several EGGPLANTS. A leash is tied to the table. At the end of the leash, a PANTHER chewing on a ROTISSERIE CHICKEN.
YOUTH
It’s quite nice, isn’t it?
BELLMAN
It’s all quite nice.
YOUTH
The eggplant, I mean.
BELLMAN
I’d prefer the chicken.
YOUTH
But all your chickens are made from glass.
BELLMAN
My pretty chickens.
The orchestra plays The Internationale.
πολυφλοίσβοιος 